Love, Peace, Relationships, self

Men to avoid

When getting into a relationship, you should always consider what you truly want and expect from the relationship, the compromises you are willing to make and what you’re unwilling to accept. I believe we expect too much from each other and sometimes people are just who they are. When you’re dating someone and planning on getting into a relationship with him but cannot stand his character, you’re most likely wasting your time and willingly embarking on a journey of endless frustration.

These are the type of guys to avoid when hoping to have a healthy relationship:

The sexist (misogynistic a**)
He basically does not think much of women and the signs are very clear. This guy will seem nice at first, chivalrous even; buying flowers and opening doors for you . He will do a lot, except for “work meant for women”, because he thinks you cannot do them or cannot do them as well as he can. He will praise you sexually, talk endlessly about your good physique or about your house cleaning and cooking prowess (that’s not all bad) but will never say anything of your intellectual brilliance. He will belittle you by constantly making rude and insulting comments. Everything that goes wrong will always be your fault because you’re a woman therefore you’re not smart enough if at all or not strong enough. Ran away from such, this guy will aim at diminishing your self-worth in order to make himself feel superior.

The control freak
He is one of the worst. Being around him will feel warm at first, even secure. He will tell you what’s best and check up on you every now and then, this will seem affectionate in the beginning but get suffocating really fast. This guy will try micromanaging you, telling you what you can and cannot do; who you can and cannot talk to. Nothing of yours will be private, he will want to know everything from all your passwords to your daily schedule. In order to maintain his control he will criticize you, verbally or physically abuse you, use emotional blackmail, financial control or even isolate you from others. He could end up harming you, all for “your own good” of course, because to him he is helping you. Others see the signs but stay because they believe they can manage or because when he’s not being cruel he’s charming, but be warned.

The broke guy
Women get called gold-diggers often because of this guy. Before all broke guys take offence, am referring to the type of broke guys who are broke because they aren’t even trying to do something about their situation. This type of guy is an underachiever, he plays video games or watches TV all day everyday, is always raiding the refrigerator (it’s a wonder he even has food) and has no productive hobbies. He lacks ambition and is lazy about his own life and will be lazy about you, leaving you to carry the whole relationship on your own. Effort is not something he is familiar with therefore you’ll end up both emotionally and financially overwhelmed.

The cheapskate
This one is amusing (laughs to self). It is good to be economical, one must always think of and plan for the future but being frugal and miserly are not the same thing. Dating a miser might be manageable but the thought of always picking the cheapest option should scare you. During dates you’ll hope that what you want to eat will be among the cheapest on the menu. Otherwise, it will get uncomfortable really fast, you will either have to pay for your own food (which might offend him) or eat whatever he deems “economical”.  Life won’t be easy with this guy, you’ll be buying cheap tissue paper, always rationing food and your children taken to the cheap schools when you can afford better.

The man child
peter pan.jpgHe is an express train to the land of headaches, immaturity galore. The man child clings on to a life with minimal responsibilities and will leave the weight of the relationship on you. This guy is incapable of having serious conversations, does not do what he says he will do or is supposed to do, turning you into a nag because he has to be constantly reminded about almost everything. He relishes the adolescent idea of fun and refuses to acknowledge the fact that he needs to act his age. Having a man child as a husband is frustrating because he will never take responsibility for his actions (someone else is always to blame for everything) and you’ll be forced to act like his mother or babysitter.

The roving eye guy
I believe theirs is some sort of sickness. Who doesn’t like looking at beautiful people? Many of us do it at times but there’s a difference between appreciating beauty and annoying lustful leering. This guy is always rubbernecking, no female passes by without being fully assessed visually. He is always looking lustfully at every female around him but the one he’s with. Avoid this guy, he will be constantly searching for something or someone “better” and will never be satisfied with any one woman. He will make you feel inadequate or unattractive each time you’re around other women and that’s just unacceptable.

The mama’s boy
mama's boy.jpgHe is excessively attached to his mother and sees nothing wrong with that. This guy seeks his mother’s approval whenever he deems it necessary, which is almost all the time. You’ll be forced to play second fiddle to his mama because mama knows best. He is used to being waited on hand and foot by his mother and will expect you to do the same, you’ll be more like an additional or alternative care giver. Pay attention to the signs and know if you can or cannot handle being in such a relationship. Unless you want to be a second mother to a grown man, walk away.

The unreliable guy
He can be the nice guy, the cheater or anyone really. This guy makes promises he can’t keep or has no intention of keeping, which either way amounts to the same thing, leaving you disappointed. He will rarely be on time when necessary, that’s if he shows up at all. Being with an unreliable partner exposes you to a series of endless disappointments and if he cannot be there for you when you need him to, there’s no point in staying in that relationship. He most probably has a problem with saying no and says yes to most of the favours asked of him but never actually does them. This guy is always apologising and the apologies might be genuine but he’ll keep on disappointing. You’ll believe that he can and will change but remember that’s not guaranteed. Move on.

When it’s all said and done, all that matters is the intensity of these characters that you can bare because not one control freak is as controlling as the other and so on. If you can handle it, stay because everyone that comes into your life will not be a polished diamond, some may need work and it might take time; some you might have to accept as they are. Time is very precious and nobody wants to waste it fighting a losing battle. Some people may never change and some might after a really long time or after finding the “right person”. Sadly it’s not easy to know how long it would take, if you’re the “right person” or if the change will ever occur. If you do decide to gamble with your time, hoping your partner will change (which isn’t wise), make sure it’s worth it.


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